Inspirational

by Kaycel

I love looking at those expressive eyes which are now staring blankly at me...I tried to say something...but instead, I uttered a sigh...so many words I wanted to tell him......so many questions I wanted to ask...but I never had the courage to put them into words....I was deeply mesmerized by his blank stare....then memories of yesteryears filled my heart and mind…``````I met Sachee in 1999...he was so kind…and being good-looking is an add-on. I was never surprised when I saw how all girls drool over him....he was such a looker……….I was the exception because I know he won't even bother to look at me and give me at least a second glance....I would not talk to him...and not even look at him. But when I needed someone to talk to and all my friends were so busy...he was there...ready to listen to me....from that time I opened up myself to him we would talk often whenever we had the chance to……..and by knowing him deeply, in my young heart...I secretly fell in-love with him...We would spend time together with our friends talking and I can feel the fondness he has for me...but I guess it was not love....it was just a brotherly affection for his sister....I would often catch him staring at me but I was afraid to preempt and give meaning to those glances....he would not even tell me why....Until we had to go our separate ways...to pursue our own careers...to find our lives...and the people we want to share our days with....until I never saw him again........And now after seven years...with just a simple twist of fate, our paths crossed again....and I couldn't believe that what I felt for him 8 long years ago was still here in my heart for I know I have already forgotten about it. And now, right before my very own eyes is my Sachee....nothing changed…….only we've become more mature. He was still MY SACHEE....more good-looking...more sweet...more caring........We talked and talked and spent time together making up for the lost times.....it was the happiest day of my life...being with him even just for a short time...with him I feel happy...I feel safe and cared for...no one has put a sweet smile on my face except him……. no one has ever made me very happy except him......and if there's one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with…...I know it would be Him, my Sachee.......my friend whom I fell in-love with in the past........the friend I am falling in-love with again......but this time…...deeper. Many things happened with our lives, I know…but am I to blame if I felt this way? I was even surprised to know that he feels the same way for me too...even in the past..............most especially today........right now that we're together, I can feel that our hearts beat as one...........our two hearts crying out each other's names…….I know I should be happy………we should be happy….because so many questions and issues in the past were clarified were answered….I regret the lost times......the days we were both victims of our cowardice and pride...but I know this time, this is it.......that we can be together in each other's arms finally.......But I guess love alone is not enough to be back into each other's arms.......it's been 8 long years...so much have happened....Now, simply by just staring at him...with those eyes blankly staring at me,,, I can see LOVE…….regrets.......happiness and most especially, sadness…...we love each other now, yes……but it has to be stopped......it has to end.........because of the WHITE ENVELOPE I am holding in my hand that he gave me before we part ways....
- Without even opening it, I can guess that it's an invitation to a special event that will happen in his life...a very important occasion which is a reminder for me to stop loving him and just be friends with him...it's a wedding invitation...meaning, he's not free anymore.....I tried so hard not to cry in front of him...I tried so hard to hide the tears in my eyes because I don’t want him to feel sad...I don’t want him to see me hurting....I managed to smile and told him I’ll be coming to witness that event...to see him for the last time.....he held my hand and said " you know I want you to be happy...your happiness is mine.....On my way to the church...I cried my eyes out and promised myself that it would be the last time I’ll cry...I have to be happy for him...there are many "what ifs" in my mind...what if I told him what I felt before? What if he told me what he felt? Maybe we're both happy now....OR ARE WE? But as I was looking at him now...at the altar...all dressed in white....celebrating his first wedding mass....I know Father Sachee made the right decision. I know he would be happier and happiest serving the Lord. I was hurt because we were not given the chance to share the love we had for each other...but I'm even happier because he chose to share that love with the Lord who made Sachee be a part of my life....Before the wedding mass ended, Father Sachee caught my eye and we smiled at each other...slowly I walked away while whispering these words..."Goodbye Father Sachee...you will always have a special place in my heart....thanks for the love....." ......I know you know it's for you.